So the other day I was having a *conversation* with someone who asked me what I was passionate about. 'I don't know' I said. 'Everything. And nothing. I guess.' << MORE >>

So my son has a lot of stupid shit on his ipod but he has this one song that really kicks the ass of all the other 150 gig or so combined he has crammed on there. I'm not sure exactly what it's called but the dude keeps singing about 'birthday sex' and then says a lot of really descriptive (yet) stupid shit in between each time he says it. Which really makes me want to grab a pen and jam it so far down my ear canal that I never hear anything that stupid again each and every time shuffle serves that sick puppy up. << MORE >>

So pretty much every other Tuesday when I check out my local news some junior high school teacher is getting busted for dating students, downloading child porn or, the granddaddy of them all, taking a vacation to some exotic land for a little sex tourism R&R with small and unsuspecting children. Which is just stick your finger up the grossest person you can think of’s ass and then cover it with dirty kitty litter box sprinkles then stick it down your throat to make yourself vomit up the horse shit you were just forced to eat at gunpoint disgusting. Now don’t get me wrong, not all men (or even all junior high music teachers) are child raping pervs, but this is just another example of an idea that COULD have been awesome being totally, completely and colossally ruined because someone put men in charge of it. And I’m not talking about pre-teen on adult dating or dirty kiddie pics. I’m talking about sex tourism<< MORE >>

So as winter turns into spring here in freeze-your-ass-off-until-it's-suddenly-a-hundred-degrees-and then-you-die-of-heat-stroke New England things like steam blasting radiators and indoor open fires used for heat not recreational purposes slowly ebb away from daily life only to make an appearance again way too quickly when in the blink of an eye it's winter again and time to start worrying about meeting your end by freezing to death in your sleep. Way too quickly for everyone, that is, except my cat. << MORE >>

Just about every time I leave my house I manage to paint myself into a corner and today was no exception. I didn't even have to go past the border of my white picket fence to do it. But I'm only gonna SHARE the blame on this one. The bi-polar weather of New England needs to man up and shoulder it's part in all of this.<< MORE >>

I was recently flipping through the channels looking for an awesome show about arsonists or serial killers or something and my remote control battery gave out just as the clicker landed on one of those sappy birth story shows. Which, btw, are like crack for eyes, because you just can't stop watching after seeing only a little. And by the end you're crying with your cat about tiny miracles and crap. And the whole time you can just feel this eye crack eating away at your brain and making you, too, want to have nineteen plus people start life by crawling out of your private parts. I think this extra happens if you've ever grown a person in your body before because then you get all nostalgic about the awesome drugs you got to legally take before during and after the process and then at the end you're given this little replicant that you can put cute doll clothes on who is mandated by law to listen to you for the next eighteen or so years. Motherhood rocks.<< MORE >>

So this should be the story of how I went to a club in New York City to see my cousin the rock star and his awesome friends, who are also rock stars play rock star music. But unfortunately this is about how I was poisoned by an Indian and almost got my boyfriend date raped. If you don't feel like reading all the way to the end I will skip to the moral of the story: if you are playing vacation roulette, don't, I repeat do not go to NYC. Go to Nebraska where shit like this just doesn't happen. Unless you are a cow. In which case I would normally suggest that you go to Bombay where cows are sacred so they pretty much they don't get poisoned or date raped, but this is apparently a breeding ground for purveyors of poison and boyfriend rapers, so I don't know what to tell you. Just pitch a tent in the backyard and stay the eff home I guess.<< MORE >>

A couple years back I had a tragic camping accident that resulted in a broken nose. Now I'll be the first to admit that as a result a bunch of cousins marrying each other, er I mean my awesome French and English pedigree, my nose did not totally rock to begin with. Mix that with a night filled with vodka, rednecks and road races in the dark and suddenly cosmetic surgery got moved way high up on the list of household necessities. The morning after when I looked in the mirror the first thing I said to myself was 'This is one shit storm of a rainy day. Time to raid the nest egg.'<< MORE >>

Here's another one I've been kicking around for a while that usually generates a gasp or two that just says 'awesome idea Jenn' whenever I share it. This one has to do with people and their environment and the actual environment with a capital E so it's sort of like a play within a play which almost makes me Shakespeare for thinking this shit up. That's what I am people. The effing Shakespeare of ideas. << MORE >>

So if you've ever read anything I've written here you probably know two things 1) I have a lot of awesome ideas that make you smack yourself in the head and say 'oh crap, why didn't I think of that?' and 2) I almost always buy the associated domain name to pair with my idea. So you, probably like me, will throw up in your mouth a little over what I am going to say next.<< MORE >>